Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
