he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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