an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize