How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I looked at my own cervix.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
