so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
