She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
