quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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