did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We talked him into tasing himself.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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