she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
