The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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