I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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