There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
