If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
