All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
