wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
