You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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