This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
