I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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