I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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