I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
