I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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