tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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