Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
