So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
