Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
