miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
