$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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