As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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