the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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