What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
