he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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