So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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