I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
