I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
