wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
