Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
