hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
