break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this beer tastes like vomit already
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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