im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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