I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I looked at my own cervix.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
