weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
