those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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