were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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