a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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