Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
