The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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