i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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