his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
