I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
