Umm I'm too high to move.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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