that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
operation harelip BJ is a go
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
