If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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