my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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