Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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