eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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