you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
