He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
