I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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