The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
