Sponge bath it is.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
