every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
