he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
