This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
