I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
