stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
