I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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