umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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