Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
