i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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